The N.U.T.S. Model: A Practical Way to Understand Stress

Stress is the body’s natural response to a demand, change, or challenge. It can be physical, emotional, or mental—and is not always negative. In small doses, stress can enhance focus and motivation. However, when it becomes chronic or overwhelming, it can affect well-being, decision-making, and relationships.
For caregivers, especially those supporting someone living with dementia, stress often builds up gradually. Minor challenges—disrupted routines, resistance to care, or health-related concerns—can accumulate and lead to emotional or physical exhaustion.

Stress can show up in many forms. Common signs include:

Irritability or anxiety
Trouble concentrating or making decisions
Disrupted sleep or appetite
Muscle tension, headaches, or fatigue
Emotional numbness or disconnection
Increased reliance on substances or distractions

Why Stress Happens — Even When There’s No Danger

Stress is what gives us the energy to fight or flee a life-threatening situation. Nowadays, our brain not only reacts to life-threatening situations but also to non-threatening ones, like waiting for the bus. In both cases, our brain is wired to survive and will bring us to adopt different behaviours such as fighting, fleeing, seeking affection and more (see here).

As a caregiver, you may frequently find yourself in an uncomfortable situation. Remember to self-check by asking yourself: “Am I responding to the situation, or reacting from a place of stress?” Recognising the difference can help you pause and choose a more balanced way forward.

Four Ingredients That Fuel Stress

Understanding what stresses you is essential. One helpful framework is Lupien’s (2012) N.U.T.S. model. I like her model, as it allows us to understand stress in every human being. This model works great both to understand your stress and that of your loved one living with dementia.

According to her model, any stressful situation will include at least one of these ingredients:

Novelty – Is this situation new or unfamiliar?
Unpredictability – Is it hard to know what will happen next?
Threat to the ego – Does this challenge your sense of competence or responsibility?
Sense of low control – Do you feel powerless to influence the outcome?

I am sure we can agree that many caregiving situations contain one or more of these elements.

Knowing which of these factors are present in specific situations can help you better understand your emotional responses and guide how we cope.

Unpack the Stress: A Self-Reflection Tool

Challenge the Story You’re Telling Yourself

Is what you state as fact true, or could it be challenged? If you find the situation to be novel, did you have similar experiences in the past from which you could transfer your knowledge? Some caregivers find that techniques used to support children—like using visual cues or step-by-step guidance—can sometimes be adapted, with respect and dignity, to suit their loved one’s needs. In the absence of transferable experiences, you may need to find another way to familiarise yourself with the situation, more controllable or predictable.

Get Informed, Feel More in Control

The more information you have, the more prepared you will feel when the situation presents itself again. Nowadays, there is a lot of information available on YouTube. You prefer listening to podcasts, and many exist to guide you through challenging situations. Support groups are another way to get the support you need.

You may realise that this is too much for you right now—that this is your boundary—and it is time to ask for help. Respect your boundaries. By allowing yourself to state your limits, you are protecting your relationship with your loved one.

Plan B (and C and D): Give Yourself Options

Another way to help decrease stress is to have a plan B, C, D, etc. You do NOT need to have a solution right away. Be curious, try different strategies, and learn from them.

Respect Your Boundaries

Listen to yourself and your boundaries. If it is too much for you, ask for help. Give yourself the time and space to get accustomed to your new responsibility. As a carer yourself, you most likely know how rewarding helping others is. Allow others to feel empowered by helping you.

Everyday Ways to Reduce Stress

Care partner or not, stress is unavoidable. While low levels of stress can be good, as it increases motivation, focus and attention. It is important to have strategies to cope with it. Here are some strategies you might want to try.

Belly Breathing & Singing

If you feel comfortable, you can observe your breathing. Placing your hand on the belly button and feeling the belly expand while you inhale can be helpful.
If concentrating directly on your breathing isn’t an option that feels good to you, singing might be more enjoyable and will automatically help you breathe from the belly. You can do this alone or with your loved one.

Be Active

Get the groove going! While you sing, why not dance as well? Or dance and don’t sing—that’s just as fun!
You may also want to go out for a walk or a swim.
The main idea is to be active, to get your body moving and spend some of that overflow energy.

Fun Time With Friends & Family

Sometimes, enjoying a good cup of tea and chatting and laughing with friends is all we need to feel better.

Learn to Relax

Here at Dementia Partnered Care, I am certified to teach Progressive Muscle Relaxation and Autogenic Training. These two technics are effective ways to decrease your general stress level and help you cope with the challenges of caring.

Ask for help, get support. You are worth it.

If you’re feeling overwhelmed, let’s talk. Whether it’s to explore resources, build a care strategy, or simply be heard, I’m here to help.

For More Information

Sonia Lupien and her team are experts on stress. Check out their research at the Centre for Studies on the Human Stress for more information about the model and ways to cope with stress HERE

Buy the book Well Stressed: Manage Stress Before It Turns Toxic on Amazon HERE

Listen to one of her talks on YouTube HERE