What Does Home Represent in Dementia?

Is your teammate living with dementia regularly asking to go home?

For family members and care partners, these words can be heartbreaking. After all, the person may already be sitting in their own living room. You may have just reminded them where they are, yet a few minutes later they ask again.

It can leave you wondering: "how can I make them understand that, this is their home?"

Unfortunately, reassuring the person that they are already home is often not enough to make them feel at home. While there can be many reasons behind these words, I'd like to offer one way of looking at this request.

What does home mean to you?

Take a moment to think about your own life.

When you say, "I feel at home," what place comes to mind?

For me, the answer has changed throughout my life and these places weren't always my actual place of living.

When I was studying, I actually had several places that I called home.

There was my apartment, where I lived independently. That home represented independence. I could organise my days however I wanted, cook what I wanted, and live according to my own rhythm.

Then there was my parents' house. Going home there meant something completely different. It was a place where I felt safe, supported, and surrounded by people who cared about me.

And there was my grandmother's home. That home represented purpose. I knew I was helping someone I loved, and at the same time, I knew my presence mattered to her.

Although all three places were "home," they didn't represent the same thing.

Each fulfilled a different emotional need. Even today, without living with dementia, there are moments when I get homesick. In those moments, the question is: am I missing the place, or what it represented? 

Looking beyond the words

When a person living with dementia says, "I want to go home," are they really referring to the place itself? Or could they be expressing a need? They may be looking for a feeling of safety, a sense of purpose, a moment of quiet, or something else. 

We cannot know for certain what the person is longing for. However, taking the time to observe the individual and asking ourselves this question can completely change the way we respond.

Instead of asking,

"How do I convince them that they are already home?"

we might begin asking,

"which 'home' might they be looking for right now?"

Can we meet the need instead of correcting the words?

If home represents safety, perhaps sitting together quietly or holding a hand may help.

If home represents purpose, perhaps inviting the person to help fold towels, prepare the table, or water the plants could provide that sense of meaning.

If home represents belonging, perhaps sharing family photographs, favourite music, or simply spending time together may offer comfort.

These ideas won't always work, because every person is different.

But they encourage us to look beyond the literal words and become curious about the experience behind them.

Staying curious

Sometimes, simply validating the feeling and asking, "Tell me about home," or "What is waiting at home?" can help us better understand what need might be hiding behind those words.

By staying curious and asking ourselves what those words might represent, we may discover new ways to connect with the person in front of us.

So I'd like to leave you with the same question I asked in my video:

What does "home" represent to you?

If you think about the different places you've called home throughout your life, what did each one give you?

I'd love to hear your thoughts in the comments.

Disclaimer

This article offers ideas to support wellbeing for people living with dementia and their care partners. Please remember: every person is different. Adapt suggestions to your loved one's abilities and consult healthcare professionals if you're unsure about safety or medical concerns. This article is for general information only and is not a substitute for professional advice or care planning.