These are moments when you intentionally engage with the person and provide familiarity, predictability, ego-safety, and control — the opposite of the stress ingredients described in the N.U.T.S. model.

How you do this will depend on your teammate living with dementia.

If they are knowledgeable about something, invite them to share their knowledge. Ask questions about a topic you know they enjoy, ask for help choosing a dinner menu, or ask their opinion about something.

Another example I’ve used has been greeting someone while I had cold hands (use with caution). When my teammate had children or grandchildren, their reaction often was:

“Oh, your hands are cold! Let me warm them up for you.”

While this interaction may seem trivial, it provides a familiar moment (parents and grandparents often warm children’s hands up in winter), something predictable (they know what to do), not just safe but empowering (“I can help with that!”), and control (they decide how to warm my hands).

Small moments like this can quietly balance stress.

Have you ever had someone tell you to “just breathe” when you were stressed?

Breathing is indeed a powerful way to calm the nervous system. However, being told to “just breathe” can sometimes feel dismissive or even increase anxiety when attention is suddenly brought to breathing.

So what could you do instead?

Sing.

Singing naturally encourages deeper, slower breathing, which helps regulate the nervous system. It also adds connection, familiarity, and enjoyment.

There are many ways to use singing with your teammate living with dementia. You might:

• Play music on YouTube (videos with lyrics on screen can make singing along easier)
• Ask for help with a song stuck in your head:

“Bob, I need your help! I’ve got this song stuck in my head… (start singing)… What comes next?”

Apart from lowering stress, singing can be a powerful bridge to the person. Many of us have seen moments where someone living with advanced dementia appears more alert and engaged when familiar music is played.

Stress builds energy in the body. Physical activity can help release this excess energy and lower stress levels.

This could include:

• Going for a walk
• Chair exercises
• Gentle yoga

However, these activities are not always welcomed.

One of my go-to activities has been throwing a balloon back and forth. When playing with a balloon, we’re not only being physically active — we also stay focused on the game. This reduces space for additional worries and helps bring both of us into the present moment.

Simple, playful activities can be surprisingly effective.

Finding moments in the day to unwind is important for everyone on the team — whether living with dementia or supporting someone who is.

One of my go-to relaxing activities with teammates is hand massage. If you’ve ever given a hand massage, you may have noticed how relaxing it can be for you as well. The slow movements, the gentle contact, and even the scent of massage oil can help create a calming moment.

Sometimes, when I’m lucky, the person offers to massage me in return — what a treat!

When the weather allows, I may also sit outside with my teammate and simply enjoy the sun. Feeling the warmth on our skin, noticing the wind, or listening to birds can be a gentle way to reduce stress.

These sensory moments can be deeply regulating.